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Name: Joanna
Country: United States
State: Ohio
Metro: Marietta
Gender: Female
Interests: CREW_ coxing.stargazing. disney princess movies. the juliana theory. emery.postal service. spill canvas.dashboard. the used. jamisonparker. tbs. dead poetic. the lyndsay diaries.brand new.the matches.fallout boy. silverstein. john mayer.mcr. matchbook romance. etc. .being an overachiever. girls nights. hitler kitty. all my wonderful friends. democrats. mexican hot chocolates. road trips. being judgemental.legally blonde . nintendo. snowflakes. michigan boys. making myself look like an idiot. audrey hepburn + jackie 0. old horror movies.
Expertise: pissing people off and getting what i want. overanalyzing a situation + mood swings.
Message: message me
Member Since:
1/26/2005
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| wow. i really never thought i would ever write in my xanga again. its actually really lame. i can't believe i wrote in one of these every day almost in highschool. nothing much changed since the last time. summer went by, uneventful, and painfully slow. school year started. friends who i swore would be there til the end left, and i have new friends. i love these ones. gina and ciel are my saviors. i have a new boyfriend from haverford.. his name is scott. im not sure how that works into the picture right now.... today as i was driving i realized something big. it kinda makes me sad. actually yea it really does. this last semester was about change. everything in my life changed. it was my first semester back to school without gus. which was undoubtedly the hardest part of the semester. adjustment to life without somone you thought you would love forever is tough. and to make it worse i messed up this summer. alot. my friends and i went through rough times, times where we grew, some grew apart. next summer i will not return to marietta. i am already looking at internships. i dont know how i feel about this. i will miss my friends here, my parents, my home, and my pets. i feel like this month is the final month of my childhood. and it scares me. where did my 19, almost 20 years go? i was looking at old pictures today. a year ago was so differnt. so much better. | | |
| so its been a while, i realize that. but ive been not so busy with my
not to exciting life this summer. for one. marietta is not so fun
if you dont want to be here or have a reason to be here. i will live in
new york or boston next summer. screw coming home, for any reason.
this summer has been so strange. really and honestly, it has been so
far removed from any concept that i visualized of this summer. it has
been dreary for one. not too hot , and completely dissapointing.... i
guess i just have a lot of stuff i nee to come to terms with right now
.i mean for one ill be a sophomore next year, and have to be even more
serious. secondly, i have to come to terms with the fact that my life
is differnt now. my friends from highschool are all doing their own
things, gus and i broke up, and home really isn't home any longer. i
guess in so many ways you just have to move on, and for me im not a
move on-er, im a throw myself in any which way direction and see what
feels the least akward. and i do this alot. it really needs to stop.
ive come to terms with the fact that im a dependant. i need someone
with me at all times, wheather it be a friend or boyfriend. i need one.
or i just go, as some have put it wild. i wish i could stop this
dependancy, and i have tried. its like being addicted to something. it
is just so hard to break. i never can think of myself as fine with out
others around me, supporting my every move. damn do i want to go back
to school. 6 weeks or however long it is is far to long.
i just want to get out of here. i can't wait to go to the beach in less
than 3 weeks. honestly i think it will be the only thing that doesnt
make me just go crazy.
i guess i just have a thing for having bad july 4ths. i actually think
i do. last july 4th i drove home from philly, gus and i got in a fight
and he wasnt here. before that derek and i fought on july 4th, and the
one before that i think i got really drunk and was in the hospital the
night before. wow. what a wonderful history. maybe ill label these the
black 4th.
i vow to next summer have a good 4th, and to not make any decisions based on other people, especially males.
i just really need to figure out what it is i want, and go for it. its
hard though. i haven't been able to figure out what ive wanted for 19
years now.
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| so i have decided...nothing. i am absolutely undecided about everything in my life. congrats to myself. so here are some things that i have often wondered and found myself debating.
1) do i rush into things to often. i believe the answer to this question is yes. but i honestly try to stop myself with no luck. damn me.
2) am i too focused. this may not sound like a problem, but i have everything so damn planned out. ps. the word tonight is damn. i wish i could be more spontaneous.
3) should i continue to be a "red head". this question is rather simplistic.
4) should i go to bed. the answer is yes because im fucking damn tired. again with the damn. night. | | |
| watson and i talked last night forever. we decided that after he comes back from europe in like a month that hes gonna come down for like a week. i freakin can't wait. june 19 can't come too soon. i actually have something to look foreward to now this summer. awesome. ive missed him so much. i haven't seen him in over a year.
i have to work a double today. which is kinda poopy since i didn't know and stayed up til three am on the phone with watson.
ok i need to go get ready. i have a feeling i wont be going out tonight. booo. | | |
| i feel as if its gonna be a long summer.
i started class at marietta college today. i guess its not that bad. it will at least keep me doing something.
i constantly am bored now. i cant describe it. maybe its because all my time was spent with either gus, alexz, or alex. none of which now are here.
all i wanted was a break. to have fun before i had to go back to bryn mawr and be all stressed again. instead i get this.
trevor wanted me to go to st. catherines. i really want to go. anywhere but here would be nice. i miss that kid.
i will be working all the time this week. i have work like 5 times this week. and class like twice.
some ppl really are being jerks right now. i just dont understand it.maybe ??
blah. i want it to be nice outside so i can just take a lovely walk. damn summer is gonna be rough. i can tell.
i talked to watson tonight. i haven't talked to him in forever. literally.
oh dear. me. | | |
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